weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
