I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
