I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize