apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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