YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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