I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
