Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
