I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Buhtt sex?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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