Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
