hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You can't motorboat a personality
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
