Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
