We won't sleep together?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
