god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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