I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The uberlube is also flammable
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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