I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
