well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
