have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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