I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
