Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
