Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
