Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize