last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
