I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
