Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
