you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
