He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
be right there i have to get my cape
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
