I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
