i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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