names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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