Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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