Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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