I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The power of my boobs compel you
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
