sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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