he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
