My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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