Girls should come with a carfax report
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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