Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize