Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
