Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am naked and annoyed.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
