Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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