Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
