Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
