U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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