I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
