and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
