i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
