i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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