Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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