I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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