fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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