Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
