A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize