i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
