Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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