So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
