What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
