i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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