Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Michael Bay diarrhea
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
