I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
not ubering you a puppy
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