You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
