the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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