High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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