Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
