I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
