i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
