So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
