are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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