It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
