Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize