she woke up with a sticky ear
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
