It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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