he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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