Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
