we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
